{"id":14848,"date":"2017-11-23T10:00:38","date_gmt":"2017-11-23T18:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/community.nrs.com\/?p=14848"},"modified":"2017-11-29T14:21:50","modified_gmt":"2017-11-29T22:21:50","slug":"how-to-talk-about-your-river-trip","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2017\/11\/23\/how-to-talk-about-your-river-trip\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Talk About Your River Trip"},"content":{"rendered":"

You just returned from a river trip. Maybe it was your first. Maybe it was your fiftieth. Maybe you hold the record for the most times down the River of Obscurity in a refurbished 19th-century drift boat. Maybe you just crushed a speed run in a kayak worth more than your car.<\/p>\n

As you head back into town, with stories and jokes and excitement swirling through annals of your mind, it\u2019s a challenge to figure out how to distill this information into something that is comprehensible to others. How do you explain the way water rippled in smoke, the way rapids resisted inertia, the way landscape held scars?<\/p>\n

Across the whitewater spectrum, the level at which you run big waves is not directly proportional to your ability to succinctly share about said waves. The next time you\u2019re trying to explain your river infatuation and can\u2019t quite grasp the words, just follow the lines of countless river tall tales. Trust me\u2014I\u2019m a river guide.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t shower.<\/strong> Heading directly to a public place while still coated in river grime is a dynamite way to make sure everyone is well aware a real-life river runner is in their midst. If people start shying away from you or making vague references to something called \u201cdeodorant,\u201d just recognize their bodies are out of equilibrium with nature and they have yet to reach your pinnacle. Besides, that stop by that one waterfall is surely enough showering to hold you over for a couple more days.<\/p>\n

Pro tip: No need to wash your clothes; just brush off the burrs and turn the socks and t-shirt inside out. This can be repeated for three-five days. 10 max.<\/p>\n

False start and interrupt your own story to get a beer. <\/strong>All stories should be told with a beer in hand. Preferably a PBR, but the local microbrew you spent twice your hourly wage on works, too. Bonus point if you get someone else to pay for it. Double bonus points if you go out to your truck, grab a beer left over from your guests and pour it into a glass inscribed with the name of the bar you\u2019re at so it looks like you purchased a draught.<\/p>\n