{"id":19378,"date":"2019-04-23T15:00:26","date_gmt":"2019-04-23T22:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/community.nrs.com\/?p=19378"},"modified":"2019-04-23T11:22:27","modified_gmt":"2019-04-23T18:22:27","slug":"to-catch-an-eddy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2019\/04\/23\/to-catch-an-eddy\/","title":{"rendered":"To Catch an Eddy"},"content":{"rendered":"

The Salmon River rushes downstream; rapids continuously carve its meandering path. While the bulk of the river\u2019s water continues on with the current, my eyes remain stuck on the eddy. A fraction of the water circles back upstream into a pool to pause, breathe, and slow down in its safe place. I feel the ebb and flow of the river in my own life through the rapids and eddies. Rushing downstream in high water, I charge the rapids head on as butterflies flutter in my stomach.<\/p>\n

When I eddy out, the jolt of crossing the eddyline forces me to hang on so I don\u2019t fall out of the boat. Time slows down as the boat climbs to shore. The calm of the eddy and the beach allow me to stall for a while. But eventually, I have to push back out into the current and let gravity take me downstream. My mind and body crave the comfort, but the river\u2014and life\u2014await.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I eddied out for almost a decade while navigating migrations of seasonal work in the outdoor industry, which some refer to as \u201cNeverland.\u201d I worked as an outdoor educator and led quasi-intrepid kids on backpacking trips through the wilderness. I chased the ski bum lifestyle in a mountain town as a ski and snowboard instructor. Sometimes, I led trips across the world to places like Nepal and Ecuador. Though the years passed, I didn\u2019t feel the pressure to find a career or a pull to make money. I preferred instead to sit on the beach, talk about the weather, and let time pass slowly. A year turned into six, then seven. I started to notice new wrinkles when I smiled, intermittent grey hairs, and light sunspots on my hands. Reminding me that time passes, even in Neverland.<\/p>\n

After several years of content stagnation, I knew I needed challenge over comfort. Rapids over eddies. I solicited advice from my dad, which is generally best received from a barstool. I voiced fears of moving forward, fears of leaving things behind and not wanting to give up on fun. After hearing me out, he took a sip of his beer and said, \u201cYou know Steph, at some point, you realize you aren\u2019t going to be young and cool forever.\u201d<\/p>\n

I had planted myself in a picturesque mountain town to explore adventure and beauty. I took jobs that left me living below the poverty line, and convinced myself I didn\u2019t care. This place and these jobs allowed me to say, \u201cI\u2019m living the dream\u201d\u2014and it was cool. His words stung slightly, but the impending doom of not being \u201cyoung and cool forever\u201d provoked movement: it may have been slow or slight, but it kept me from standing still.<\/p>\n