{"id":37672,"date":"2025-11-17T00:00:34","date_gmt":"2025-11-17T08:00:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/?p=37672"},"modified":"2025-10-14T12:15:59","modified_gmt":"2025-10-14T19:15:59","slug":"reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/","title":{"rendered":"Reflections &#038; Ruminations on Re-Entry"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A single email sent me spiraling. The impact was perhaps exacerbated by the jarring juxtaposition of where I had been, and where I was: service had just returned after a river trip. These two parts of myself\u2014the river rat and the freelance business owner\u2014felt as disparate as separate lives.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before the email, nine of us had been playing a rousing game of Contact in the back seats of the 12-passenger shuttle van. We were laughing as we challenged each other in the collaborative but competitive speed game of words. We were present and engaged. And why wouldn\u2019t we be? We had just shared a profound experience.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We had been moved in all the ways one is moved by time on the water, time out of service, away from the stress of our everyday lives. There was connection and bonding and relaxation and thrill. There was even a little bit of trial, successfully navigated. We knew each other in ways unimaginable a week or two prior. Of course we were playing Contact in the back seats.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-37672 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_3x2_1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121430\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_1-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_2x3_2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121610\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_2x3_2-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Somewhere on the plateau climbing away from the take-out, our laughter quieted. The game fizzled. Instead of a web of human engagement, we had unwittingly devolved into nine independent entities with our own personal light-up voids.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, I am better at postponing the inevitable onslaught of notifications. There are times when my phone feels so irrelevant on the last day of a trip, I forget it in the recesses of my dry bag, inaccessible until I return home. Other times, worry permeates the boundary between backcountry and front, inviting me to stash my phone more accessibly. This was one of those times.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I had been expecting a few important emails, and a small part of me kept thinking about what the responses would mean for me in the coming months. The wonderings were a quiet, semi-constant presence as I rowed or cooked or stargazed, fleeting thoughts that I gently shoved aside. That is easy to do when the stars are shooting; the present moment is effortlessly accessible in a river canyon.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-37679\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121448\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_5-1000x667.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"970\" height=\"647\" srcset=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121448\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_5-1000x667.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121448\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_5-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121448\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_5-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121448\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_5-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121448\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_5.jpg 1800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 970px) 100vw, 970px\" \/><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wondered instead about layered rocks, flitting birds, blooming wildflowers, and, importantly, the people sitting next to me. I felt the breeze, and the ease; the settling of my heart rate. Contentment, wonder, and awe washed over me.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the water, I had felt strong, competent, appreciated\u2014a river will do that to me.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I wanted to hold on to those feelings as we drove away from the place that fostered them. Without the game&#8217;s distraction, the sound of my thoughts became louder, and my curiosity (that\u2019s a nice word for anxiety, I think) won out over my fleeting self-control. I powered on my phone.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There was so much junk and none of it mattered, but all of it fought for my attention. Suddenly, and vehemently, I hated the person who had opened her inbox. With the press of a button, I went from competent to green, strong to crumbling. Worry flooded through me. My leg incessantly bobbed up and down.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<div id='gallery-2' class='gallery galleryid-37672 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_3x2_6\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121452\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_6-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_2x3_7\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121634\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_2x3_7-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I am not unique. The attention economy has made sure of that. Our brains are merely getting hijacked in precisely the way app designers envisioned. The red notification bubbles, the dopamine hits, the ubiquity of urgency\u2014they drag us easily and wholly away from the people we\u2019re sitting next to. There is so much noise, and it seems to perpetually ratchet up. It\u2019s no wonder we crave time away.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the days following our river trip, I thought about the nuance of re-entry. Yes, there was the familiar pit of overwhelm that settled deeply from the sudden storm of accumulated tasks that needed my attention. That will always be true. I was struck more by how adrift and purposeless I felt. I sent emails, I wrote pitches, I filed stories. But what was I doing? <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> was I doing it? Was I growing? Was I happy? Was I succeeding?<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Success on the river is easy to measure. The objective is clear. I know everything that needs to happen to get off the beach. I know where every piece of gear lives on my boat and I know the direction of pull on my straps. I know how to row a boat (although I am constantly learning). There\u2019s a predictability to the tasks each day.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, there are varying degrees of success for every line, every meal, every plan B, but at the end of the day, I can easily distill the success of a day to one question: Did I go downstream?<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-large wp-image-37677\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121438\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_3-1000x667.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"970\" height=\"647\" srcset=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121438\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_3-1000x667.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121438\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_3-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121438\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_3-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121438\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_3-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121438\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_3.jpg 1800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 970px) 100vw, 970px\" \/><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the front country, I struggle to know if I am succeeding. (As if success is a place you arrive at.) More accurately, I struggle to know if I am living well, if I am living a good life. Sure, I can measure my life by capitalistic milestones: my bank statements or property acquisitions. I could define myself by my career, as we often do, or by prescribed life achievements\u2014degrees, marriage, kids.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I catch myself struggling to know if I am doing life right, I like turning to the Greek philosophers.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Socrates believed the good life was achieved through self-examination. Epicurus believed the good life was one characterized by pleasure. Aristotle believed virtue was central to the good life. He believed we truly flourish when we engage in activities that are in line with our values.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<div id='gallery-3' class='gallery galleryid-37672 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_2x3_5\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121624\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_2x3_5-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_2x3_4\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121620\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_2x3_4-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_2x3_6\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121629\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_2x3_6-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I think everyone experiences a little of what Epicurus celebrated when on the water. Pure joy, and some amount of luxury\u2014the lazy floats, stretching out in your camp chair at the end of the day, cold beverage in hand, the sound of the river drifting by while you dig your feet into the warm sand. But I also appreciate river time because there is a spaciousness to the days which creates time for what Socrates deemed necessary. I have time to examine if I\u2019m living the way I want to be. I have time to think about myself, my life and my choices.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It\u2019s Aristotle that feels most potent, though. His approach helps me move away from defining my life by milestones. His approach helps me think about success in terms of how I am showing up as a human: as a friend, partner, leader, or team member. When I leave the canyon confines, I want to hold onto <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">those<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> ways of being.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Re-entry is hard. It&#8217;s easy to slip back into stress. I don\u2019t know how to completely eliminate the struggle of returning, I only know what I have since tried in order to lessen the shock and stay more connected to the river version of myself. I bury my phone in order to reintegrate more slowly. I don\u2019t allow myself to check my email until I am back at my desk and I\u2019ve started a work day. This helps me stay grounded in the present moment until I am actually back at work. I invite my friends to do the same. There are plenty of non-work related tasks that will need doing, why pile on? Save work for the work week.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<div id='gallery-4' class='gallery galleryid-37672 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_3x2_4\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121443\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_3x2_4-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure><figure class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<div class='gallery-icon portrait'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/dtd_reflections_jwilhelm_2x3_3\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"100\" height=\"100\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/13121615\/DTD_Reflections_JWilhelm_2x3_3-100x100.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/div><\/figure>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When I find myself drifting further from the version of me I loved on the river, I try to remind myself that I don\u2019t have to find my worth in the accomplishment of tasks. I do not have to find my value in my professional accomplishments (or lack thereof). I can find success\u2014I can live a good life\u2014by living in accordance with my values. I can prioritize virtues that matter to me: creativity, empathy, curiosity and compassion.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course there\u2019s no one, single way to define a good life or a life well lived. But I like myself most when I\u2019m on the water. I&#8217;m closest to achieving a sense of peace when I\u2019m in wild spaces. So when the anxiety starts creeping in, when I start to wallow, I try to take a deep breath and ask myself: did I feel the breeze today? Did I feel the sunshine on my face? Did I act with compassion? Did I have wonder? Did I show up with kindness?<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Did I go downstream?<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I can set an angle and row. Or I can drift lazily. Either way, I don\u2019t need to make it to the take-out to be living well. In fact, I would rather not.<\/span><\/p>\r\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-37764 size-full aligncenter\" src=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"2560\" height=\"1707\" srcset=\"https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-scaled.jpeg 2560w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-300x200.jpeg 300w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-1000x667.jpeg 1000w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-768x512.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-1536x1024.jpeg 1536w, https:\/\/d2kl15j267vxtq.cloudfront.net\/duct-tape\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/10\/14121028\/DSC_1117-2048x1365.jpeg 2048w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 2560px) 100vw, 2560px\" \/><\/p>\r\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">***<\/p>\r\n\r\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\r\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A single email sent me spiraling. The impact was perhaps exacerbated by the jarring juxtaposition of where I had been, and where I was: service&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":48000,"featured_media":37762,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[339],"tags":[323,38,477,749,316,120],"class_list":["post-37672","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nrs-culture","tag-drawntowater","tag-camping","tag-multiday-trip","tag-philosophy","tag-rafting","tag-women-boaters","post-grid"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Reflections &amp; Ruminations on Re-Entry | Duct Tape Diaries | NRS<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Off the river and headed home, Jasmine Wilhelm unpacks her dry bag, turns on her phone and her heart sinks: real life demands her attention.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/community.nrs.com\/duct-tape\/2025\/11\/17\/reflections-ruminations-on-re-entry\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Duct Tape Diaries | Reflections &amp; 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